Saturday

I know, I know, not the most inventive title. But I'm not feeling particularly innovative at the moment. My house is a disaster area (really - I spent 3 hours this a.m. getting ready to go to a friend's bridal shower; there are bread crusts all over the table from the finger sandwiches I made, clothes all over the living room floor, I can even spot one of LW's diapers on the floor that needs to go in the trash). I am, however, learning to be more at peace with messes. To realize that a clean house isn't the summit of what we should be trying to achieve with our life here on earth. So, while a cleaning spree admittedly awaits in a few minutes, I wanted to jot down something on my mind.

Today really made me reflect on how marriage changes over time, and especially how different it is from engagement (or even from the picture you might have in your mind of what your marriage will be like).  To illustrate -   the picture to the left is Jim and I, just a little less than two years ago, a few months prior to our wedding, and the picture below is from a little less than a year ago, shortly after LW was born (I know, she looks like a Puerto Rican old man. She is way, way cuter than that now, I promise).  There are two really noticeable differences in these pictures: first, we were so put together in the engagement photos!  That was before the next phase of life started, wherein I began to feel lucky to get a shower every day.  Second, we're totally enraptured with each other in the first photo, while in the second, that loving bond has begun to focus outward.

I began thinking about all this, because I found myself almost jealous of my friend, today, at the bridal shower; her "happily ever after" is still just a picture in our minds, that sparkling wedding day and ride off into the sunset haven't happened yet, and there is something very special about that engagement time that I sort of miss.  It's like the difference between the bridal shower, and my house. One is plans, gifts, blessings for a future that has yet to become real; the other holds the very messy stuff of real life, and it has taken me a long time to learn to value the second over the first.  I may be very good at postponing gratification (two marshmallows later, rather than one now), but at the same time I've always preferred the anticipation of a thing to its actual realization.

However, deep down I know that, as Madeleine L'Engle says (or is it Fortescue?) "comparisons are odious." Something deeper, more lasting, has formed between my husband and I, precisely because some of the "sparkle" has worn off. Life, and our sacrament, have been forging us together; we're more comfortable now, which sometimes means more disagreements, but also means more constructive resolutions, more closeness, more love. And LW has happened! Being a mom - and seeing my husband as a dad - has got to be one of the most incredible joys, ever. I thought people were exaggerating when they talked about "falling in love with their baby". But that is exactly what it is. I want a dozen more, and at the same time, I can't imagine having to share my love with any other baby but her. 

(Disclaimer: prepare for mental whiplash:)
A completely unrelated thought/question:

How do people manage to brush their babies' teeth? Both my husband and I have a history of dental problems. The pediatrician says, "make sure to brush baby's teeth", as does the dentist. She nurses on demand at night, which already sets her up for possible cavities. But her mouth is like Fort Knox. Maybe I tried to feel those cute little pearly whites that came in when she was 5 months old a few too many times, or maybe she has a strong sense of personal space, but she will. not. open her mouth to let me brush. How do parents do it? Any moms out there - helpful hints are most welcome. I've tried the toddler, sweet tasting but no fluoride toothpaste, and she just sucks on the brush, it doesn't actually get any more brushing accomplished.

Ok.  Cleaning time awaits.  I apologize for the disjointedness of my posts, these days; I really am generally more coherent, but my mind has become so used to multitasking that I find it's a real struggle just to think about one thing at once  :)

Blessings all, and have a holy Sunday and happy Mother's Day tomorrow!