Once upon a time, the decisions I faced were no more difficult than "what name should I give to this latest lamb?" or "what on earth should I wear to our Lit. class party?"
Now, though, I have to make really difficult, "adult" decisons all the time. Some of the big ones are (for better or for worse) now settled - where to go to college (check), who to marry (check), when to have kids (check one), but some, like how to be a good parent, will take a lifetime to check off, and some big ones are just hitting now, such as where to "settle".
Not that we'll be moving in the really near future, but we are beginning to look beyond apartment life, and longing for a place to really sink our roots down. But this desire is hedged about with all sorts of other concerns, such as finding a place that we can afford (*very* difficult in this state and especially county, on my part-time income and my husband's salary), wanting a place that has a little bit of land (I desperately want to eventually have a horse or two again - a post on horses will be coming up sometime soon), needing to be within a decent commuting distance of my husband's job, and wanting to not move TOO far from family and friends. Somehow, not surprisingly, we're finding it difficult to locate a place that meets all our objectives!
We did spy a listing for a 4-5 bedroom, very old (circa 1860) farmhouse about 20 miles from where we currently live. It's in our price range, but clearly needs a ton of work (it's not clear from our quick drive-by how much $$ would go in to making it truly habitable, on which detail the whole matter of course would hang). It sits on an acre of land, which is smaller than we'd like but ultimately probably about what we're going to end up with, and is in a beautiful location; the only problems are 1) it is 30 minutes from my husband's job, in good weather, which is only half the year in VT, and 2) it is further from, not closer to, my and my husband's parents. Fortunately, we're really only at the speculating stage, but I do find myself wondering how to balance all our needs and wants, and as well as trying to figure out whether to stay where we're at for a while longer, or go ahead and try for a mortgage.
And maybe, as at so many other points in my life, I'm being called to "wait and trust" - to exist, as Keats would say, in a state of "negative capability", defined as "the ability to be in a state of uncertainty, without a restless searching after meaning" (according to my college Shakespeare professor). It's just hard, trying to make these adult decisions, while keeping front and foremost the values we were brought up with, in a culture and land that no longer values those things. The housing prices, and "competitive" salaries, are predicated on a two-income family, and no matter how hard we cut corners, or how frugal we are, we don't come close to matching up to that model. We're not trying to keep up with the Joneses - just have enough land and space to follow the teaching of the Church, fill our house with children, and have the "means of production" for some small scale farming in our own hands.
Anyway - this is what's on my mind, today. Sometimes I really miss being ten :)
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Posts
3 comments:
Abigail, I know what you mean! We are pondering exactly the same questions. We'd be happy with an acre or even less but we'd have to live about 2 hrs north or south of our city (and parents) to afford that. We most likely will move south. It's colder, but very beautiful and still within an hour of the beach (important for us!). Rather than wishing I was 10 again, I often wish I was a well-fed domestic cat!
Make a list of all the priorities involved (including how much commute you're both willing to accept, the mortgage number, how much land you truly need) then figure out which priorities are negotiable and which ones aren't. Only you guys can decide what that will be. No one else can tell you that more land is less valuable than a shorter commute, or vice versa. No one else can tell you whether being further away from family is going to make things so much more difficult that it's going to eat at you. No one else can tell you how much mortgage is going to give you sleepless nights. No one else can say how close to a hospital you want to live. Other people are going to look at houses that you see possibilities in and see nothing but headaches. Other people would opt for already finished houses and much higher mortgages. Other people aren't going to be looking at the importance of parish community or closeness to particular sorts of services or groups.
Ultimately only you can figure out which priorities to give the heaviest weight to and to whether now is the time to make a move.
The one thing I would caution you about is to make sure that both of you are happy about the decision. If one of you feels railroaded by the other or has major reservations, it's worth taking the time to weigh things much more carefully. It's a big decision and it's one you'll have to live with over the long haul.
Just be sure to talk it out and weigh all the various aspects of the decision. It would be wonderful if the "ideal property" were in the "ideal place" (like right down the road from Jim's job where he could come home for lunch!). Unfortunately, there will doubtless be compromises to be made. Only you guys can decide which compromises are acceptable and which ones would work for someone else, but not for you.
I would recommend that you let your father take a look at any old house you consider because he's got the sort of construction, plumbing, electrical background that would help sort out just how complicated a fix up would entail.
I should mention that this weekend I was encouraged to see a vender at the farmer's market that billed themselves as the One Acre Farm. Apparently you don't need a lot of land to be productive enough to even sell to other people. Of course, I doubt they had horses...
Meanwhile don't let anxiety over the decision keep you from enjoying your garden, your baby, and today's sunshine. Let the ten year old still in you revel in present delights.
That's so funny-- my husband and I have a dream of buying an old homestead and fixing it up.
Sigh...it's just dreams for now. Good thing my dreams are just as fun and amazing as when I was ten :)
~Heddy
Post a Comment