A year ago tonight...

I made my husband a sandwich for work the next day.  I was a week overdue with the little Wum, and he told me he wasn't going to need it since I was going to have her the next day.  I scoffed, but then my water broke at 1:30 am... he brought the sandwich with him to the delivery room (much to the envy of our midwife at about 6 am!).

Yesterday we celebrated LW's 1st birthday with both our families and a few friends.  My camera battery died after about three shots, so this is all I have, but more to come when my dad sends me the photos from his camera :)

Here's the cake I made - sort of a hard luck cake, I made a double recipe, which turned out to not make enough layers, so I made another double recipe, and then had one layer too many.  Then, the day turned humid which created some problems with the icing.  But I think it turned out pretty well (especially considering I had to mix everything by hand, since I don't have a mixer - whipping icing by hand is a *tough* job!).

and then the big moment...

No picture of her blowing it out, as she immediately reached for the flame, and whoosh, Jim blew it out.

But she did very much seem to enjoy gnoshing down a huge slice of birthday cake :)

Anyway, the cake tasted great (it was a perfect first birthday cake - loaded with sweet potato, and even the cream cheese frosting was sort of "healthy") and received rave reviews, and LW received some great presents that have been keeping her quite busy.  We've been taking today to really relax after the hectic weekend (cleaning before, cleaning up after, and a sugar-high almost one-year old), but I've been reflecting on a year with a little one, and will write something more meaningful for her real birthday tomorrow.

Happy Memorial Day, everyone!  Prayers for all our beloved deceased, and for all who have lost someone, especially those who have lost military family or friends.

Tut tut, it looks like rain...

It's raining lightly here, which is a welcome reprieve from the hot weather earlier this week.  I'm hoping it'll let up later so I can put my pepper seedlings in, but if it doesn't, no harm; sometimes it is nice to be out in rain.  I'm finding that having this garden is so good for my mental health - there is something very calming about being with the plants, and I find myself going out in the morning just to check and see how they are doing.  It's very Zen, for lack of a better word.

In other news, my to-do-list today is really long, and therefore my time is really short.  We're having LW's first birthday party tomorrow (so that family and friends can come) although her *real* birthday is tuesday; I can't believe a year has flown already!

In honor of the event, I need to bake a double recipe of Sweet Potato Cake with Brown Sugar Cream Cheese Frosting, then frost and decorate it, and clean the house (we've reached a good state of controlled chaos, but as my grandmother would say, "the Davis's are coming!" which really meant a panicked cleaning was in order).

Also, some enjoying of the Saturday needs to take place.  So a happy weekend to all - pictures of the cake to be forthcoming if it turns out ok :)  I haven't decorated a cake in a good long while, but hopefully (yet again!) the 4-H skills will come right back.

A Dandelion Wine day..

"Yes, summer was rituals, each with its natural time and place.  The ritual of lemonade or ice tea making, the ritual of wine, shoes, or no shoes, and at last, swiftly following the others, with quiet dignity, the ritual of the front porch swing" - Dandelion Wine, Ray Bradbury

This summer is the first one in a long time that really feels like a summer to me.  It may be an unfortunate consequence of homeschooling that I never became properly "institutionalized" - never learned to accept working day in and day out with no long stretches of vacation to look forward to.  Two weeks doesn't cut it for me; I need long stretches where it doesn't matter if a day ends up wasted or not quite perfect.

Anyway, this is the first summer in a long time when I've consistently had time (or at least the presence of mind) to really *notice* the summerness.  Last summer I had a brand new newborn, the summer before that I was planning a wedding, the summer before that I was a camp counselor (fun, and "summery", but utterly exhausting), and the three summers before that I was working.  So, while I'm technically working this summer, I also have time (with the Little Wum), to really enjoy the traditions of summer.  I have a whole list going of things that I want to do... and have already started on many - The Garden (growing up it was always in capitals in my mind, probably because my parents' garden was about 20 times the size of the one I'm currently working on), sun tea, shady/sunny blanket time, afternoon book reading, listening to the sound of the fan and the hum of distant lawnmowers out the window as I relax for an afternoon doze...

The creemies have already started, and soon there'll be s'mores, bbq chicken, potato salad (so much of what I associate with summer is food!)  I want to try my hand at mint juleps (another L'Engle inspired suggestion) and margaritas, and find time to chase a few fireflies.  Walks by the lake, walks at my parents' house down to the covered bridge or the congregational church graveyard, picnicking and sharing a bottle of orange-mango juice with a special someone...  For now, though, reading Dandelion Wine while LW sleeps - the perfect book for a summer day.

Prayer Request!

If all you out there in blog-land could pray for a friend of mine, I would really appreciate it.  I received a call this afternoon that she (a young mom, expecting her second baby in September) is having concerning neurological symptoms and may have had a mini-stroke.  I promised her husband that I would get as many people as I could praying for her (which is where you all come in!)

Thanks!

Non-Wordless Wednesday

Please bear with the design changes - I'll eventually get it the way I want it (whenever I have the time and ability to concentrate) - but in the meantime, can anyone give me hints on getting an image into the banner and having it the right size??

Wordless Wednesday: the "It's 90 degrees in the shade" edition.

Random thought for today:

I've been reflecting lately on the words of Isaiah, "can a woman forget her nursing child, or show no compassion for the child of her womb? Even these may forget, yet I will not forget you" (49:15).  For some reason, it's just striking me as really *cool* how God built into the biology of our bodies ways for us to learn more about His nature!

Not that I didn't understand, at least intellectually, before I had my daughter - I could imagine what motherly feelings would be, extrapolate from other experiences in my life, and put a rough picture together.  But now, understanding occurs on a visceral level, as lovely oxytocin pumps through my blood in response to my little nursling.  It's just amazing how God chose to create a chemical in our bodies to help us understand in some small way the depth of His love and commitment. He could have created just a spiritual understanding of commitment in us, and that would have been great, but instead He chose to make it also a very physical part of our nature, so that we literally, chemically, *bond* to those that we love.  And yet, as He points out, how weak is that chemical bond (even though one of the strongest things we ever experience) compared to His love for us!

Anyway, just a thought on a quiet tuesday :)  And if this thought strikes you as cool, too, and you, like me, would like to ponder such things more - check out Breastfeeding and Catholic Motherhood (Sheila Kippley), and/or The Evidential Power of Beauty (Fr. Thomas Dubay).  I'm not reading either at the moment, but have read both so many times that they have really shaped my thinking, and my aforementioned thought fits right into the philosophy of both.

The difficulty of adult decisions..

Once upon a time, the decisions I faced were no more difficult than "what name should I give to this latest lamb?" or "what on earth should I wear to our Lit. class party?"

Now, though, I have to make really difficult, "adult" decisons all the time.  Some of the big ones are (for better or for worse) now settled - where to go to college (check), who to marry (check), when to have kids (check one), but some, like how to be a good parent, will take a lifetime to check off, and some big ones are just hitting now, such as where to "settle".

Not that we'll be moving in the really near future, but we are beginning to look beyond apartment life, and longing for a place to really sink our roots down.  But this desire is hedged about with all sorts of other concerns, such as finding a place that we can afford (*very* difficult in this state and especially county, on my part-time income and my husband's salary), wanting a place that has a little bit of land (I desperately want to eventually have a horse or two again - a post on horses will be coming up sometime soon), needing to be within a decent commuting distance of my husband's job, and wanting to not move TOO far from family and friends.  Somehow, not surprisingly, we're finding it difficult to locate a place that meets all our objectives!

We did spy a listing for a 4-5 bedroom, very old (circa 1860) farmhouse about 20 miles from where we currently live.  It's in our price range, but clearly needs a ton of work (it's not clear from our quick drive-by how much $$ would go in to making it truly habitable, on which detail the whole matter of course would hang).  It sits on an acre of land, which is smaller than we'd like but ultimately probably about what we're going to end up with, and is in a beautiful location; the only problems are 1) it is 30 minutes from my husband's job, in good weather, which is only half the year in VT, and 2) it is further from, not closer to, my and my husband's parents.  Fortunately, we're really only at the speculating stage, but I do find myself wondering how to balance all our needs and wants, and as well as trying to figure out whether to stay where we're at for a while longer, or go ahead and try for a mortgage.

And maybe, as at so many other points in my life, I'm being called to "wait and trust" - to exist, as Keats would say, in a state of "negative capability", defined as "the ability to be in a state of uncertainty, without a restless searching after meaning" (according to my college Shakespeare professor).  It's just hard, trying to make these adult decisions, while keeping front and foremost the values we were brought up with, in a culture and land that no longer values those things.  The housing prices, and "competitive" salaries, are predicated on a two-income family, and no matter how hard we cut corners, or how frugal we are, we don't come close to matching up to that model.  We're not trying to keep up with the Joneses - just have enough land and space to follow the teaching of the Church, fill our house with children, and have the "means of production" for some small scale farming in our own hands.

Anyway - this is what's on my mind, today.  Sometimes I really miss being ten :)

A homesteading Saturday

What a beautiful day in our neighborhood!  Warm, sunny, and best of all, my husband let me sleep in this morning and promptly removed the early bird LW from the bed, and hence my productivity when I did get up was quite high :)  Jim had to work (he's a cemetery superintendent, which unfortunately equals some Saturday work, especially in the summer) for awhile, so it was a great time to busy myself with the Rhubarb Marmalade that a friend sent me the recipe link for:

I should note that I'm ridiculously thankful to my parents for both instilling canning skills in me (yay 4-H!) and also for setting me up with some of the tools of the trade.

The finished product; 8.5 beautiful jars, and the fruit didn't even rise to the top.  I gave one to our landlords as a thank you for letting us harvest from their rhubarb patch, and the rest have been stocked away for yummy eating.  Unfortunately, the husband doesn't like rhubarb.. so I guess more for me :)

I also put in our tomato seedlings while LW looked on from the safety of her blanket, and then made some fantastic french toast with cinnamon swirl bread from Great Harvest for dinner.  LW had her first french toast (regular, not cinnamon bread), and dove in with great enthusiasm.

I have to say, I get so much enjoyment out of gardening and canning.  It feels good to work with my hands, and also to use the knowledge and wisdom passed down from generation by generation.  I always think of those who taught me the skills - my grandfather, my dad, my mom, 4-H leaders, etc.  For instance, Grammy Fenton (a woman who ran the canning dept. at our local fair for decades) would be proud :)

It is also fun to have mastered skills taught to you as a child to the point where you can confidently do them independently.  So many of the things that I learned growing up, I absorbed because "that was the way we did things."  Weekly church attendance, gardening, spinning, sewing, knitting, canning, baking, horses, sheep - I took for granted that this was the way most families were, but as I have grown I have found just how unique my upbringing was.  Not every ten year old is allowed to have their own fire, nor helped to start one in the winter (via a fatherly intervention with a blow torch); not every thirteen year old is given her own horse to raise and train.  I now know that my parents were sort of "Montessori" in their approach, though not strictly or even all that intentionally - but whatever you want to call it, it was a great way to grow up, and I hope LW can enjoy many of the same things.

Now, speaking of whom... time to get the baby ready for bed :)

One of those days...

I think it must be payback for the gentle teasing I gave my mom this past weekend, when she was telling me her "saga of the two hours skirt".  I couldn't help but laugh at how long it had taken her to do two seams...

I should have kept my mouth shut :)  Today I attempted a foray into pocket diaper making territory.  Two sewing machines and really just one long seam later, I began to have more sympathy with my mom.  The first sewing machine kept skipping stitches (and PUL is NOT a fabric you can mess around with - you can only stitch it once), and then, I kid you not, the foot pedal began making popping sounds, like popcorn, only more electric/crackling sounding.  I put it away with visions of flames in my head.  Then pulled out my less favorite machine.  Fought for an hour to get the tension right so that the gears would stop grinding. I did eventually finish seaming all the way around, put the diaper on LW to test, she promptly peed... right out the side.  Something about the fleece fabric that I special ordered repelled rather than wicking the wetness :P

So - the moral of the story?  It would have been cheaper, more effective, and a ton less hassle to just bite the bullet and actually *order* a couple of pocket diapers; this particular attempt at frugality didn't work so well.  But, I guess I have the extra fabric kicking around for other projects, like fleece pillows and wipe clean bibs.  You win some, you lose some, but perhaps it is time to give the cloth diaper experiment a rest :(

Fortunately, it is friday, the weather is gorgeous, and I have another project in mind for this weekend that should, hopefully, come out a lot better.   I also need to make a plan for LW's 1st birthday party which is just about a week away!  Cake ideas, anyone?  I'm thinking perhaps sweet potato (her favorite food) with a cream cheese frosting (healthier than straight sugar)?  I also found out yesterday that I might be recruited to do my brother-in-law and soon to be sister-in-law's wedding cake.  Gulp!  But that is a topic for another day :)

Happy weekend to all, and may your projects be far more successful than my pocket diaper was :)

Garden progress!

I can't resist sharing a few photos of the progress of my garden. They're a little blurry (camera phone photos), but they give the general idea, and show the pea fence that I put up today :) My dad will be so proud... Also a gratuitous LW and husband photo - they kept me company while I put up the fence. Sometimes my husband and I sort of reverse the "traditional" roles - I tend to do the gardening and sometimes "Mr. Fix-it" stuff, because my dad taught me really well, and hence I enjoy doing those tasks because they remind me of him. But then again, Jim, looking over my shoulder as I write this, just said, "Hey! I do Mr. Fix-it stuff too! And better!"

Anyway, on to the pictures :)

The lettuces have made progress...

On the right are the chives, sage, basil, and spearmint.

The (slightly leaning) pea fence, with freshly planted (non-visible) peas.

Last, but very definitely not least - the two loves of my life :)

And now.. to bed :)

Small Successes Thursday

Just a quick post - the LW is sleeping, but will wake soon, I've just finished all my work for the day, and I'm hoping to get a few things done before she wakes.  Or at least have a chance to sit for 5 minutes with a book.

Anyway - this week's small successes!

1)  A year ago, I could barely drive the new (to us) standard transmission car that we had just purchased.  As in, getting from stop to go was a risky proposition, I refused to drive it anywhere at all that wasn't flat, and frankly, I broke out in a cold sweat whenever I came up to a red light.  In contrast, today I gracefully negotiated a red light, steep hill stop out of our local garden shop without a second thought.  It feels good to have really mastered the concept of the clutch :)

2)  I also managed, while weaving through traffic (and shifting!) to keep LW from falling asleep in the car on the way home, which meant that she is actually taking a real nap, rather than crawling around here, cranky but resisting sleep.

3)  The laundry is done until at least tomorrow, there are groceries in the fridge, and the housework is all tackled - once LW wakes up, my husband and I will be able to enjoy a rare evening with no "tasks" that need to be done aside from just enjoying our family.

Now... time for that book, and maybe to plant a few herb seedlings that I picked up today!

Wednesday musings

It's been a busy day here. Woke up to rain, which made me very glad that I had done the laundry yesterday. My husband stayed home for an hour to play with LW while I got some work done; then she had a nap and he went off to work, while I did more work. We had some lunch (peas and yogurt for her, PBJ for me) while I made up the grocery list, then in to the office for a quick stop in to sign some papers (even more work) and make an appearance at the quarterly birthday party (side note: the y on our keyboard is acting up. I keep having to go back and hit it twice, so don't mind if you notice a word missing a y!) It was tough getting LW back down for a nap when we got back, as she took one of those dreaded 5 minute "car naps", but now she's sleeping and I finally have a few minutes for a post before my husband comes home and I head off to the grocery store.

Random musings for today:

- Our lettuce is up, and we should be eating it in another week, I think! Time now to plant the rest of everything. It is my first year of having a garden all my own; I did lots of gardening for 4-H growing up, but always with my dad's help. I'm getting a real kick out of raising the plants all by myself (yes, I'm pretty much that person who goes out and checks her plants every day, so excited to see them grow another half an inch)

- I'm loving not using the dryer. It feels so good to know I'm saving money as I hang stuff on the line. Plus it gets me outside on nice days, and is so much less hassle than I thought it would be. I'm hooked.

- I'm also getting hooked on other "green" things. As I said to my husband as we walked to the grocery store last night - I think I'm becoming a hippie. Not the stereotypical pot smoking, unshaven legged hippie; rather, going back to the earth, back to the way things used to be, choosing mindfulness rather than mindlessness.  It started out as a money saving adventure, but more and more I'm realizing that all of our time saving items can end up taking the joy out of life. For instance - dinner really does taste better on the good china, instead of paper plates.  And we appreciate clean dishes and clean laundry more when we've put a little work into it.  Somehow, I'm finding that my body and mind enjoy the real work of housework - scrubbing, folding, washing, etc, leave me more satisfied at the end of the day than a day on the computer or even relaxing watching tv would.  I think this has to do with the idea that our bodies are made to move.  So maybe not really a hippie, but rather, a pioneer woman?

- Also realizing how much the way I think has been influenced by the great writers I grew up reading. Tolkien, Lewis, Montgomery, and especially Madeleine L'Engle. I hope to meet them in heaven, and say thank you.

- Planning to make some creme brulee for dessert tonight. Another thank you to L'Engle for that - because of her, I first dared to make creme brulee:

"Mother was in the kitchen cooking creme brulee. 'I'm like my mother,' she said. 'I cook for therapy. And it's as much of an art form, I believe, as painting or writing or making music.'" - A Ring of Endless Light

Definitely an art form, but also super easy.  We received a lovely little creme brulee torch and ramekins for a bridal shower gift, and I've finally been enjoying putting them to use.  If anyone out there hasn't ever tried creme brulee - here is the super easy recipe that I follow (I halve it, as there are only two of us, which makes four shallow ramekins worth or two deeper ones, and also follow "Chefpeon"'s modifications, on the first comment).  Make it.  You won't regret it :)

- Finally (so quickly, my blogging time has run out!), I've been thinking about how thankful I am for sites like Faith and Family.  Since getting married and having my first baby, I've found it really hard to find like-minded (or even just similarly occupied!) women; none of the local parishes have much in the way of moms groups (maybe that's my hint that I need to start one?), and it is just hard to find friends.  It is strange, how possible it is to live on a street surrounded by other people, and yet never know them by name... makes me kind of want to revert to an Amish way of life.  Oh, to live on Walton mountain..

With which thought, I am off to the grocery store.  Happy "hump" day to everyone!  The weekend is looming back into sight!

Home again, home again...

We were visiting my parents house this weekend, hence a general lack of posts :)

And now it is beautiful outside, and my husband has a rare day off, so there will be a general lack of posting today as well. But I haven't forgotten about the online world, and once I am out from under the laundry (going away from the weekend = stacks of baby, husband, and my own laundry, and what with this "no using the dryer" thing I have to make hay, or rather laundry, while the sun shines) and miscellaneous other tasks, I'll be back to jabbering away. I hope the sun is shining wherever you all find yourselves today!

St. Augustine Friday

I don't have a good poem to share, to be able to call it "Poetry Friday". But this is my favorite St. Augustine quote, and it seems sort of Friday-esque - it always makes me mindful of just how much I need to turn to God, and have Him touch, heal, reform my heart. Also, St. Augustine is such a profoundly lyrical writer, especially if you get the right translation. If you've never read the Confessions - I can't recommend enough that you do so!

Act of Hope

"For your mercies' sake, O Lord my God, tell me what you are to me. Say to my soul: "I am your salvation." So speak that I may hear, O Lord; my heart is listening; open it that it may hear you, and say to my soul: "I am your salvation." After hearing this word, may I come in haste to take hold of you. Hide not your face from me. Let me see your face even if I die, lest I die with longing to see it. The house of my soul is too small to receive you; let it be enlarged by you. It is all in ruins; do you repair it. There are thing in it - I confess and I know - that must offend your sight. But who shall cleanse it? Or to what others besides you shall I cry out? From my secret sins cleanse me, O Lord, and from those of others spare your servant. Amen." ~ St. Augustine

Ramblings on mindful purchasing, and truths from my ten-year-old self...

Somehow today I got to thinking about advertisement, and how our whole culture has been so profoundly shaped by the whims of giant companies.  It used to be there was a demand for something, and people would make that something and sell it; now we've got it backwards, with companies dreaming up things that they think we need (or that would just garner them a profit, if they could only get us addicted to it), and then influencing our minds with fancy-shmancy advertising until we are convinced we need that thing.  Take soap, for example.  A little bit of research today on laundry detergents (thanks to Karen, I'm looking into soap nuts) made me really realize how brainwashed we've been by the good folks at the chemical laboratories who are churning out our cleaning products.  We really believe that something has to have a billion chemicals, a heavy smell, and a ton of suds in order to get something clean.  Maybe that really is true (I haven't tried the soap nuts yet), but certainly in the days of our forefathers, they didn't have access to cleaning enzymes, fabric brighteners, etc, and they seemed to do just fine.

Anyway, it just makes you think about why we buy the things we do.  About the power of "brand", and the psychology of purchasing.  One of the best decisions my husband and I made, going into marriage, was to forego cable t.v.  We do *have* a t.v., I'm not opposed to t.v. on principle, but we were cheap, and didn't want to fork over $60+ a month for a ton of channels we'd rarely have the time to watch.  Plus we figured it'd be better for us to choose to watch what we wanted to watch purposefully, rather than be sucked into mindless surfing every night, "because it's there" and because we needed to get our money's worth out.  So we do Netflix, and watch a few programs online through their respective networks, and that's it.  An unexpected benefit is not being exposed to all that advertising, the endless stream of commercials telling us about things that we Just. Must. Have.  As a result, I rarely notice new products until they reach the grocer's shelf, where it's a little easier to make an informed (rather than pre-formed, by the manufacturer) decision as to their utility for my life.

I've found, since I've been trying to operate within a much more frugal budget, and at the same time trying to be more "green" in the things that I do buy (though still a long way from the choices I would like to or probably could choose to make), that the things that I "must have" have significantly shrunk in number; I am slowly detoxing from the consumerist mindset.  There are still things that I'd really *like* to have, but I am learning (albeit very slowly) that things do not equal happiness, and therefore that I shouldn't seek things as a means to try and find it.

For instance, I got more joy out of laying on my back in the yard today while LW crawled all over me and "showed" me flowers and grass, than buying any of the things on my "want" list would have brought.

One of my goals for this summer is to really live those simple, free, pleasures to the hilt - to reawaken my inner ten year old, who knew that all the treasures necessary for a great summer could be found in my grandmother's attic, kitchen, and rag-bag.  I want to rewaken that person, so that she in turn can help me teach my own daughter the same timeless truths.

If at first you don't succeed...

It's happening again.  I followed an interesting link today, and found myself yet again drooling over various cloth diapers...

Perhaps I should back up for a moment and give some history.

Before LW was born, I swore I was going to cloth diaper her.  Better for the environment (at least marginally), better for our bank account, better for her bum.  Or so I thought.

But then.. the trials and tribulations began.  First the diaper covers made her umbilical stump bleed, so into Huggies she went, "just for a few weeks".

Then, when the yucky-ucky stump finally turned into a cute bellybutton, back to the cloth, only to start The Rashes.

I swear, I did everything, and then some, to figure the problem out.  Different wash routines, different laundry soap, baking soda, vinegar, bleach, boiled the diapers, sunned the diapers... nothing worked.  I'd put her in the 'sposies for a few days, clear everything up with rash cream, try again, and then back to The Rash we'd go.

Finally around 6 mos I'd had enough.  I LOVED the cloth diapers for their ability to never, ever leak, despite massive... explosions... but LW's tush apparently didn't feel the same way.  Incidentally, even with the disposables, she pretty frequently requires rash cream.

But now... we've gone awhile without really needing the cream.  The explosions are a thing of the past, and her digestive tract seems to have settled into some sort of happy harmony that would seriously limit her exposure to anything more problematic than wetness.  And I am again wondering whether maybe, just maybe, cloth might be worth it?  I know better than to think that the prefolds will work, because she *is* sensitive to too much moisture and heat.  I find myself wondering, though - might pocket diapers actually work for her?  It would cost around $350 to buy enough one-size diapers to last through the rest of her diapering years (they might still be around for a second baby, as well), plus the laundering costs.  We're spending $40/mo on disposables right now.  Should I do a "trial package" from somewhere, just to see if "The Rash" comes back with pocket diapers?  Is doing my small part for the earth worth it?

Or should I get the message that maybe, LW in cloth diapers just wasn't meant to be?

Like a small child, who sits at the feet of grass.

"It is paradoxical that many educators and parents still differentiate between a time for learning and a time for play without seeing the vital connection between them." - Leo Buscaglia

Homeschooling at age one: cultivating wonder... and also lettuce.

Mother's Day

A blessed and happy Mother's Day to all the mothers out there - of children born and unborn, on earth and on heaven.  My prayers are with all of you, as our Lord purifies all of us through the lifelong task of motherhood.

A thanks to my spiritual mothers, mother Church, and mother Mary - through your example, guidance, and prayers, I am supported, nourished, becoming the person I am called to be.

Moreover, a special thanks to my own mom:

My mother, and my daughter (LW was a few weeks old when this was taken): a legacy of motherhood.  I've learned basically everything about being a mom from the example of my own mom, and I couldn't ask for a better role model.  She continues to be everything a mom should be, even to her adult children.  Thanks Mom!  

Then there is the LW herself - the little girl who made me a Mom, the thing I had dreamed of being since I was a very little girl:

I hope that I will always be a wonderful Mom to her, and to any other children we (hopefully) may have.  I also hope that I can give her everything that Luci Shaw describes in one of my favorite poems, 
"Gifts for My Girl".

Now, off to a celebratory, very late brunch with my little family :)

Saturday

I know, I know, not the most inventive title. But I'm not feeling particularly innovative at the moment. My house is a disaster area (really - I spent 3 hours this a.m. getting ready to go to a friend's bridal shower; there are bread crusts all over the table from the finger sandwiches I made, clothes all over the living room floor, I can even spot one of LW's diapers on the floor that needs to go in the trash). I am, however, learning to be more at peace with messes. To realize that a clean house isn't the summit of what we should be trying to achieve with our life here on earth. So, while a cleaning spree admittedly awaits in a few minutes, I wanted to jot down something on my mind.

Today really made me reflect on how marriage changes over time, and especially how different it is from engagement (or even from the picture you might have in your mind of what your marriage will be like).  To illustrate -   the picture to the left is Jim and I, just a little less than two years ago, a few months prior to our wedding, and the picture below is from a little less than a year ago, shortly after LW was born (I know, she looks like a Puerto Rican old man. She is way, way cuter than that now, I promise).  There are two really noticeable differences in these pictures: first, we were so put together in the engagement photos!  That was before the next phase of life started, wherein I began to feel lucky to get a shower every day.  Second, we're totally enraptured with each other in the first photo, while in the second, that loving bond has begun to focus outward.

I began thinking about all this, because I found myself almost jealous of my friend, today, at the bridal shower; her "happily ever after" is still just a picture in our minds, that sparkling wedding day and ride off into the sunset haven't happened yet, and there is something very special about that engagement time that I sort of miss.  It's like the difference between the bridal shower, and my house. One is plans, gifts, blessings for a future that has yet to become real; the other holds the very messy stuff of real life, and it has taken me a long time to learn to value the second over the first.  I may be very good at postponing gratification (two marshmallows later, rather than one now), but at the same time I've always preferred the anticipation of a thing to its actual realization.

However, deep down I know that, as Madeleine L'Engle says (or is it Fortescue?) "comparisons are odious." Something deeper, more lasting, has formed between my husband and I, precisely because some of the "sparkle" has worn off. Life, and our sacrament, have been forging us together; we're more comfortable now, which sometimes means more disagreements, but also means more constructive resolutions, more closeness, more love. And LW has happened! Being a mom - and seeing my husband as a dad - has got to be one of the most incredible joys, ever. I thought people were exaggerating when they talked about "falling in love with their baby". But that is exactly what it is. I want a dozen more, and at the same time, I can't imagine having to share my love with any other baby but her. 

(Disclaimer: prepare for mental whiplash:)
A completely unrelated thought/question:

How do people manage to brush their babies' teeth? Both my husband and I have a history of dental problems. The pediatrician says, "make sure to brush baby's teeth", as does the dentist. She nurses on demand at night, which already sets her up for possible cavities. But her mouth is like Fort Knox. Maybe I tried to feel those cute little pearly whites that came in when she was 5 months old a few too many times, or maybe she has a strong sense of personal space, but she will. not. open her mouth to let me brush. How do parents do it? Any moms out there - helpful hints are most welcome. I've tried the toddler, sweet tasting but no fluoride toothpaste, and she just sucks on the brush, it doesn't actually get any more brushing accomplished.

Ok.  Cleaning time awaits.  I apologize for the disjointedness of my posts, these days; I really am generally more coherent, but my mind has become so used to multitasking that I find it's a real struggle just to think about one thing at once  :)

Blessings all, and have a holy Sunday and happy Mother's Day tomorrow!

Another day, another dollar..

Someday, I'm going to sit down and actually calculate what the going rate for a housewife really should be... but I don't see it happening anytime soon, because I don't really have the time to do the math :) Suffice it to say that today I was:
A medical information specialist (this is my actual paying job)
A sales researcher (hunting the web for coupon deals)
A maid (washing, folding, picking up, dishes, making the bed)
A drying machine (hanging our clothing in the sun)
A nanny (doing all these things while watching and playing with Little Wum)
A cook (lunch for LW and I, dinner for the three of us)
A grocery shopper
A triage nurse (ok, I'm not really certified for that, but LW fell and conked her head on our bookshelf, necessitating some medical decision making)
A cuddler, snuggler, bump-kisser
A wet nurse
A wife
and last but not least, a mom. It's all in a day's work - and I've only got one little one to watch. What did I ever do with all the *time* I had on my hands, before I was married and had a baby? And how do those moms with 2, 3, 5, 7 manage? I can only hope that my capabilities will similarly expand as our family does. Certainly motherhood has already taught me to dramatically increase my efficiency, and at the same time, I value my time more... and what I do with my time, seems to mean so much more.

It's friday, though! The weekend awaits... it will be busy, but hopefully blessed :)

Small Successes Thursday

The day has gotten away from me (as so often seems to happen these days - I blink, and it's bedtime again), so no time for a long post.  But - to steal an idea from the Faith and Family site -

Three small successes from my week:

1) I made it to Friday.  There were a few meltdowns, but Jim and I managed to have a really constructive discussion about how to balance LW between us so that I can get work done a little better, and maybe even have a few minutes of free time during the day.  I give the week an A+ for effort, and mostly LW was a much happier camper.

2) We got our electric bill today.  I wasn't blogging last month, but a bit of history - we received an $135 electric bill, and my head pretty much exploded on the spot.  Since then I've gone a little crazy with "energy consciousness", and while next month's bill should be even better (I just started line drying everything the last week in April, so the impact of that on this month's bill was minimal), I was able to drop it $40 to $95 for this month.  While not perfect, it's still a success.

3)  I squelched my "go, go, go, do, do, do" voices for long enough today to sit, with a mug of icecream (also squelched the "don't eat that" voice, in favor of the "you're a lactating woman, go for it!" one), and just watch the wind blow the clouds along outside my window while LW was napping.  It was a nice recharge, and a reminder that I need to take more time just to relax, and be.

Now the last success of the week/day - to successfully put down the computer and spend a few minutes with hubby before bed.

Wordless Wednesday: the "I'm currently obsessed with frugality" edition

First *real* post (non-introduction)

Spring!

The season deserves an exclamation point every year, but far more this time around. My first child's first birthday is approaching, which in my case translates to "Wow, I'm finally beginning to feel human again". Combine this with the trudging, slushy, winter parka season giving way to t-shirt, capri, open window weather, and life really couldn't get much better. Becoming a mother (only 10 mos after becoming a wife) is a bigger transition (a glorious, painful, overwhelming, albeit hopefully sanctity-producing, transition) than I ever could have imagined, and it is only now that I'm beginning to really feel like "me" again. Not exactly the same me, but not just me going through the motions, either.

Spring, this year, also means that many good things that were put on hold for our transition are finally becoming possible again. For instance, it feels good to finally have the energy to write, even a little bit. I've had the physical energy for months (nursing in my sleep is the best form of multitasking I've mastered this year), but a curious lethargy, something that I can only describe as a narrowing nesting instinct, has held me in thrall since before the Little Wum was born. So "spring" means something like the widening of an inner door. I can't seem to get enough of being outside - working in the garden, sitting on a blanket in the yard while LW pulls up grass, walking in the sun or even the rain. Being "outside" in my mind, too - allowing my mind to wander again outside the narrow realm of duties, responsibilities, tasks that needed to be learned, mastered, performed, and into the wide world of ideas, challenges, hopes, dreams. It will be good to bring LW into that wider world this summer with me.

On which note - I'm stepping away from the computer, and taking LW for a walk outside.

First post (an introduction)

Welcome, all, to my small attempt to "cast out into the deep", to connect, to reach a wider world and to know my own self better in the process.

To put first things first, an introduction:

My name is Abby, and I am a young wife and mom living in VT, struggling through the day to day like many others. I was raised by wonderful parents who taught me to cherish old time values, and brought me up amidst animals, gardens and well-loved books. I studied Animal Science and English in college, and in my pre-baby days had some very small successes in publishing my writing (namely a couple of published poems, and a month of daily meditations through Our Daily Visitor). My time is a lot more limited now, but I'm hoping that this space will allow me to make some friends, discuss ideas, share a few things I've learned, and motivate me to write on a more regular basis.

With all that in mind, please feel free to comment and say hi!