Late September

The seemingly endless, hot days of summer have given way to cool, rainy, cloudy fall.  The leaves are slowly turning, and my garden has put forth its last fruits.  Technically, the fruits really ended, for all intensive purposes, a while back; the garden fell into disheveledness sometime in August, but I did make a valiant attempt at reinvigorating it a few weeks ago.  I cut off the all the tomato vines that were showing signs of early blight, pulled out all the squash plants, took down the pea fence and vines, and raked, mostly so that our landlords wouldn't be unhappy with us for bringing down the eye-appeal of their lawn.  The side-benefit was that the hot peppers put out enough of a final effort so that I was able to can two tiny half-pints of pickled peppers yesterday.

(I then spent all last evening with my hands *on fire* because I scoffed at the warnings to use rubber gloves while handling the peppers.  Never again!)

This is what fall looks like in my kitchen:

Essentially, my already non-existent counter space is completely overwhelmed with food preserving equipment - and, of course, coffee.

Apple butter in the crock pot, spearmint in the dehydrator; I dried nearly my entire bush of sage as well, leaving enough to bring some inside to see if it will last the winter. 

Two half-pints of pickled peppers, three one-pint zip lock bags of oven-dried cherry tomatoes, a jar of spearmint, a jar of sage; a summer's worth of lettuce and tomatoes for salad, enough peas for two rounds of pea-potato soup, plus a few dinner servings of snap pea pods; overwhelming amounts of summer squash, basil, sage, and chives; and one or two sweet peppers.  That is pretty much the tally of what our little garden plot yielded this summer.  I'm not sure if we really saved any money, but I had a lot of fun in the process, and I look forward to trying again next summer - I'll definitely know better what to focus on, and how much is enough, too little, or too much of various plants.

As for produce that I didn't plant, but did preserve: a bushel of apples yielded nine 4-oz jars of butter, 5 crisps, and enough extras for eating.  We also have the rhubarb marmalade jam from earlier in the year (my new favorite), and ginger peach jam (also good, but we have enough that some will probably make its way into Christmas baskets).

Anyway, I never expected to get that much canning done with a 15 month underfoot, so I'm pleased, and happy to hang up the apron for the winter.  Now I can turn my eyes to other crafty pursuits, such as Christmas presents.  I've already pumped out two skirts and a dress for myself, and a skirt for LW, but I'm sure there's more sewing on the horizon.



LW modeling her skirt.  Blurry because I had to snap quick in order to run across the room to save her.  This is what is *really* keeping me busy lately - she's developed quite a love for climbing.



Besides crafting, I'm turning my leisure time more towards reading again, and contemplating, and hopefully, more writing.

And coffee.  Lots of coffee.  Something about the light of morning creeping later and later into the day, and the grey weather, and my daughter's reluctance to nap, combined with my never-ending need to get work done, has me drinking large amounts of the stuff.  It doesn't do a ton of good because I can't really tolerate anything that isn't decaf, but there is a psychological boost just the same.  I blame my cousin for getting me hooked while she was here; there was something lovely about having a morning coffee quietly appear as I dug into my day's computer work.  The joke is on her though because it's a lot harder to come by coffee where she'll be for the next year :)

I have further thoughts on the nature of contentment vs. discontent, but I'll save those for a post all their own - I've been all over the map enough for one post already :)

Finally - I just heard that one of my favorite spiritual writers died on Sunday: Fr. Thomas Dubay.  If you haven't read any of his books, I highly recommend The Evidential Power of Beauty, and Happy Are You Poor.  Say a prayer for the repose of his soul!  Our loss is heaven's gain.

Contentment versus Discontent

I don't have time for a long post at the moment, but this is something I've been struggling with lately (OK, maybe I've been struggling with it my whole life?):  how to be content in the moment, content with God's provision for Right Now rather than looking to the future or the past for something that isn't Right Now.

At the moment, the "want" that is currently unfulfilled is that of a house to call our own; we've been looking and looking, and are finally coming to the conclusion that we may need to put the search on hold for the time being, because financially it just doesn't feel like the right moment. With LW's tooth problems, there may be some big medical expenses coming up, and it was a financially rough summer with lots of weddings, miscellaneous car repairs, and random (yet somehow large ticket) other items that had to be taken care of.   We probably could swing it, but I've found myself riddled with doubt, anxiety, and an extreme lack of peace about the decision, all good indications that the way has not yet been opened for us to move forward.  I feel more at peace in one sense about waiting, but at the same time, waiting leaves me in an uncomfortable place of unfulfilled "want".

However, it's not the first, or doubtless the last, "want" that I'll experience.  For a long time, it was a relationship; then engagement, marriage, a child.  Of course, right now I'd love to go back and be in one of those places of "want" again instead, because I can now see how He provided those blessings all in good time.  He is ever faithful, and in the same manner, I know He'll provide a place to really call our own when the time is right - yet this doesn't stop me from looking longingly at what others have, even jealously and oftentimes bitterly at the means that He's given others to live with, and to live just a bit more easily than we do.

And yet, when I really stop and look at it, I can see how, like the manna in the desert, He has been providing everything we need, right when we needed it.  Perhaps He's working on teaching us to trust a bit more, and the house will come along when we really need it, when we begin splitting the seams of this apartment rather than when we're mostly wistfully thinking of all the perks of home ownership.

I guess it just comes down to trusting the Hand that is leading us, even when the way is dark.  I feel like I've lived through this lesson over, and over, and over again in the last several years, but there must be some purpose still left in it; who was it that said, "You learn more from climbing the same mountain a hundred times, than from climbing a hundred different mountains?"

When I stop and really look at how I'm feeling, too, I begin to feel really guilty for feeling discontent.  So many in the world go without nearly all the creature comforts that I enjoy, so how dare I feel bad because we can't buy a house, or because money is tight?  After all, money doesn't determine happiness. And we are happy, taking joy in the growth of our little girl, in our marriage, in family, friends, the beautiful state we live in, and all sorts of non-money related little pursuits.  Still, the itch is there - the itch for more, better, to have something that I currently don't have.  Consumerism lives deep within, hard as I may try to weed it out.

Ironically, the best way that I've found to deal with this particular itch is a two-pronged approach of focusing on the real, concrete blessings that God has bestowed (and how providentially He has provided every step of the way), while at the same time practicing a bit of detachment - getting rid of things I've been holding on to, and denying myself in little ways to restore my focus on where I should be storing my treasure up.  It's a dual watering/pruning approach, and it does work, but still growth comes slowly, grudgingly, like roots through concrete.

Anyone else experience these sorts of feelings?  Any practical advice for learning patience when it comes to things like houses and finances?  I find that I can so quickly fall from discontentment to outright discouragement, because it so often seems like some of the dreams I have are years away, if they indeed will ever be realized.  Then again, this very week three years ago, I never could have guessed that marriage and baby were literally only months away.  I've experienced the darkness before the dawn enough to know that quite often, when I start feeling like this, good things are just around the corner, if only I can be patient enough to allow them to unfold.

In two places at one time...

Nope - I haven't learned how to bi-locate.  But you can find me over at Catholic Mothers Online today, with a guest post about one of my newest favorite novels: In This House of Brede, by Rumer Godden.  Stop on by and say hi, and check out the blog roll of other Catholic moms while you're there!

Thankful for blessings in disguise...

While it may not have looked any quieter than usual around here the last few days, it was actually a lot quieter (well, less Internet-y) in my home.  This is because on Monday night, I turned on my computer only to discover that a virus was wreaking havoc with my ability to do any sort of searching with any of the major search engines. 

This could, and should, have been a huge hassle, given that the computer affected was my work computer, and I telecommute.  Coupled with my husband's computer being dead due to a broken power cord (a replacement, courtesy of my lovely cousin, will be arriving this weekend), it could have meant disaster.  As it turned out, it did mean a couple of days of lost productivity that I'll have to make up in one way or another in the coming weeks.  However, it was also a huge blessing, because it forced me to take a real break from the distractions that so often keep me from taking real breaks. 

For two days, I couldn't check my email, surf the net, Google for recipes, or read other people's blogs.  I couldn't research houses or peruse Facebook.  Rather, my options were to read a book, sip coffee, clean the house, or play with my little one.  When she was napping, my options were limited to the first three.

Therefore - after a two day, Internet-free "vacation" - my house is very clean, and more importantly, I feel very rested.  I didn't get any more physical sleep than usual, in fact perhaps less, but I experienced a rest from the temptation to distraction that the Internet so often represents for me.  It is just so easy, when given an hour's break, or even ten minutes, to spend it researching this, shopping for that, reading, navigating, etc, and I couldn't believe how often I caught myself thinking "I'll just go check..."  But of course I couldn't, which was the whole blessing of it; when I have the ability to do all those things, I end up frittering away my few moments of peace, and feel less rested after than before. 

So, after a few days' break, I definitely appreciate some of the very good things of the Internet more, like the ability to have a recipe instantly at my finger tips, my calendar and people's phone #'s just a click away, and the social connections.  However, I also have a renewed sense of understanding for how good it is just to step away; to close the computer and soak up a good book, or a few minutes listening to the radio or even the wind outside. 

In light of this discovery, my husband and I are seriously contemplating making Sundays "Internet-free" days, so that at least once a week, we can unplug, relax, and enjoy the real world outside without the constant allure of information at our fingertips.  I think this would be a really good thing for our mental health, our daughter's formation, and also for our relationship.

I do recognize the irony of blogging about unplugging, but I thought I'd share.  Try it - unplug for an hour or a day (and I mean, really unplug - no cheating!), and see what I mean.  See how often the thought to check something crosses your mind; if you are like me, first it will feel very uncomfortable, and then you'll realize how much more uncomfortable you are with having the Internet hold such power over you, and you'll find something better to do.  In my case, that meant a great book (The Fellowship of the Ring), which of course must be accompanied by an appropriate snack (wedge of cheese, apple, mug of coffee); for you, the form of relaxation may be different but the point is the same.  Unplug, and enjoy something tangible for awhile; I promise you'll come back to the Net a healthier person for it.

Let me pick my jaw up from the floor so I can post about this...

My little girl actually asked for a nap for the first time ever today.  Sure, it was all non-verbal communication - toddling into the bedroom, vocally complaining that I wasn't in there, coming to the living room to find me, holding her arms up with an emphatic "dah!" to ask to be picked up, pointing to the bedroom from the vantage point of my arms, pointing to the bed, and then when put down, signing milk and rubbing her eyes.  However, coming from a baby who I generally have to fight with to get to nap, the above sequence (so deliberately enacted) is nothing short of remarkable.  I momentarily thought I'd wandered into some weird alternate universe, but no; just my baby, slowly growing up day by day.

Win some, lose some..

It is still very, very busy in our household, and hence still very, very quiet in my blog realm.  I'm starting to make some "back to school" type modifications (not that anyone in our house is back to school, but as fall sets in , a greater sense of order and stability seems to go along with it, which I associate with "school time").  One of these changes is getting dinner on the table by 6:30 instead of 7, and then LW in bed by 8:30 instead of 9+.  I'm hoping to push bedtime back even earlier once daylight savings rolls around, but for now we'll take what we can get :)

Anyway, I don't have time (surprise, surprise - but I promise I will again someday!  Blogging is about fifth on my to-do-list each day and I just never quite get there) for a long post.  But I thought I'd share a couple of this week's wins and also losses:

First, in the category of losses, fails, or "things I hate":

1)  The lawnmower starting up outside and prematurely waking LW from a nap.  It happens at least once a week, I have no control over it, and it makes me want to kick something.
2)  Hot sticky weather that makes it almost impossible to get LW to nap in the first place, and shortens her already short span of patience.  I'm convinced that being overheated is contributing to her new found problem behaviors of scratching and biting (me, and also herself... poor little girl has started biting her *own* fingers when she gets frustrated.  It is kind of heartbreaking to see)
3) The grand finale of "fails" for the week, and of things I hate, or that make me want to kick something:  last night I went into our bedroom to a t-shirt after putting LW down for bed.  I obviously didn't want to turn on the light, so I wandered around in the pitch black.  I went to bend to reach the bottom shelf of my bureau.. unfortunately not realizing that I'd left the second to top drawer open, which I hit, full force, with my mouth.  BAM instant punctured, fat lip.  Today I am sporting the "tattooed lipstick/collagen implant" look, very naturally.
4)  A bonus fail for the week - I was working on making a plaid skirt for the fall, perfectly matched the plaids only to not take into account that the pattern, which had multiple seams, was going to make weird chevrons in obvious and unintentional places.  I'm not very happy with the result.

However, the week hasn't been a total loss:

1)  I managed to complete a guest post that I needed to submit by Sept 1st, and was even happy with it.
2)  I've been putting my crockpot to good use, to try to have less hassle at dinnertime, which has mostly been a success.  I need to find better recipes, but it is definitely easier to fix things early in the day and then just eat dinner, rather than cooking for an hour, then eating, then all the cleanup.
3)  We have actually managed to have dinner at the desired time all week, which has left time for an after dinner walk (instituted as a habit last week, when my cousin was visiting, and a tradition that we'll hopefully keep up until the weather gets prohibitively cold; LW gets all excited as soon as we ask her if she wants to go for a walk).
4)  Bonus win for the week: managing to find the time to sit down and write this post.  Yay for finally knocking off that fifth thing on the to-do-list!

Crock-pot recipes, anyone?  Or advice on how to soothe frustrated toddlers?

Perspectives, Harvest Bounty, and When Food Goes Bad...

My apologies if my title ends up being a bit misleading.  You see, I had the very best of intentions of sitting down to write a lovely, informative post today, all about how a change in perspective can turn what seems like a problem into a real blessing.  I was going to start with a quote from Return of the Jedi,

"Luke, you will find that many of the truths we cling to depend greatly on our own point of view." - Obi-Wan Kenobi

I was then going to turn our thoughts back to early spring, when a mislabeling error prior to planting resulted in the grave imbalance (as anyone who has ever raised even one cherry tomato bush would recognize) of five cherry tomato bushes to three regular tomato bushes.  How, in the present moment of late August, the cherry tomatoes are threatening to drown us in their unbelievable abundance of red, yellow, and purple fruits.  How I've slowly been resigning myself to just letting them rot on the vine, having exhausted most ways of disposing of the bounty via recipes or charity, and how all of this changed with the serendipitious discovery of a recipe for oven-dried cherry tomatoes.  I had glorious plans to display a few choice pictures of the harvest, process, and result:

(for reference - these two bowls are only half of what I picked yesterday)

(Here's the other half)

(And the finished product)

I could be writing right now about how the tasty "tomato raisins," as someone described them, had turned my thoughts on tomato bounty from "ugh" to "hurray!"  I was even planning to make some lovely resolutions about finding uses for all the odd bounties of my garden, as well as for using my crock pot more this fall (having, as a side note, really enjoyed how much easier it is to dry things than to can them, and having reflected that the crock pot would likely make dinner preparation similarly easier).

So what's the problem, you might ask?  And why aren't you reading a post that looks like that, rather than a lament for the post that could have been?

Well - the problem is Google.  Google, and the fact that your food is trying to kill you.

It started when I, innocently, was trying to determine the best oven temperature, and how I could store the beautiful (and yummy - oh so yummy) finished product.

Some two hours later, and pages upon pages of info about Botulism! Salmonella! Listeria! and lots of other bacteria that I don't even want to think about, I began to realize a few things.

1)  It's all well and good to want to preserve food at home, to try and eliminate some of the more nasty "preservatives" present in store bought food.  There's just one catch, though - those preservatives happen to be there because your food is trying to kill you.
2)  Very well, you might say, I'll just cook my food very well after it is preserved!  Then it will be so yummy and healthy for me!  Right?  No.  Because in order to kill the food before it kills you, you have to boil it for so long, or cook it at such a high temperature, that it no longer has any nutritional content whatsover.  And yummy taste at that point is right out.
3)  And if you try to get the food by choosing to eat only raw items, the food will still win because of the pesticides.
4)  Even if you go organic to avoid the pesticides, the food is one step ahead, because the pesticides were there for a reason, to save you from all the nasty bugs (visible and invisible) that would otherwise be there, again as part of the plot for your life.
5)  You can try to freeze the food to preserve it, which works great, but it becomes dangerous as soon as it begins to thaw.  Alternately, you can cook it to high temperatures, but again it becomes deadly as it cools.  Perhaps we could eat everything either stick-to-your-tongue frozen or scald-your-mouth hot...

Of course, the real conclusion is, it's pretty dangerous for anyone with just a little medical knowledge, a hypochondriac streak, and a wildly active imagination to spend very much time on Google.

I will say that my little oven-dried tomatoes really do taste great.  They may end up killing me, but I bet they'll be good on pizza...

In all seriousness, for those who are wondering, just drying tomatoes isn't a problem, although sources do differ on how high or or low the oven temp must be.  The problem that had me searching for hours was whether having greased my baking sheet with olive oil, and sprinkled everything with garlic powder might have created a potential botulism-growing environment.  I'll store them in the freezer, and then use on pizzas or in sauce, so my logical reasoning says it will probably be ok, but in the meantime I really did learn just enough about food safety to pretty much never want to eat again. 

So maybe it really is all about perspectives: choosing a perspective that accepts the inevitable margin of risk, rather than striving for a perfect black and white of safety; balancing potential consequences with likely outcome, and holding fast with one hand to science, the other to faith.