Using Time: Opportunism versus Intentionality

Finally a free moment to check in, say hi, and share something I've been pondering a lot lately.  Sorry it's been awhile - the holidays were hectic, getting back into a routine afterwards was a hassle, and now here I am, in the middle of January, in the middle of a snowstorm, and finally able to spare a few minutes to write.

Our Christmas was lovely and blessed, and despite being a whirlwind of activity, it was good to connect with family.  We were blessed with some really lovely gifts, as well, which are already being put to good use (like a KitchenAid stand mixer.  I didn't have a mixer, and wow is it so much easier to bake now!)

One of those gifts was the book Simplicity Parenting, which has prompted the subject of the pondering in question, at least tangentially.  I've got an upcoming post at Catholic Mothers Online where I'll talk more about the various ways in which the book is inspiring me to re-assess and re-balance our life, but in the meantime, I just thought I'd share how thinking about one very specific thing - mealtime - is helping me gain perspective on lots of different areas of my life.

In our home, mealtime has been sort of a haphazard affair.  I do plan meals, and shop for those meals, every week.  But the actual time always ends up in the air.  I haven't even had the excuse of busy evenings or conflicting family schedules to blame.  What it really comes down to is that I've been starting dinner only when I finally think of it, when a good opportunity seems to present itself, and when I am sufficiently motivated to shift my attention from whatever is currently occupying it.  Sometimes this has meant dinner at 6, but much more often 7:30 has been rolling around with an "uh oh, I'd better hurry up and make something."  This lack of attention to a schedule leads to a train wreck: LW isn't ready for bed until after 8, I try and cram in a very hurried pre-LW bedtime shower for myself, and each night it has seemed like her bedtime has been seriously delayed.  Night after night I go through the mad dash of making dinner, dinner cleanup, and the bedtime routine, and night after night I feel totally burnt out by the end of it.

Then I read Simplicity Parenting over my Christmas vacation, and the proverbial light bulb went off in my head.  I starting thinking about the importance of setting a "framework" around our day; of giving LW a sense of routine and consistency to hang onto.  I didn't think so much about the effect it would have on me, but rather sort of stumbled onto just plain setting a mealtime.  As it turned out, the first day I tried it, I decided I'd shoot for 6 "just because".  This meant I started cooking at least an hour earlier than I had been, which seemed like a bit of a hassle, not to mention a sacrifice of some prime recharge time, since I often don't wrap up my part-time job until 4:30, and don't always feel like launching right into making dinner.  But I did it anyway - and to my surprise, magic happened.  I made dinner, we ate dinner, LW ate much better than usual because she wasn't super tired, we had time to linger over the meal, we cleaned up the meal... and all before 7 pm.  At 7, I was able to curl up on the couch with a book, my husband similarly curled up with the computer, and LW happily scampered around the living room playing.  What I discovered is that, with dinner out of the way earlier, there is a happy hour before bedtime.  LW will play independently, or my husband will get down and play with her, and there is actual time to enjoy the evening; no one is hungry, there's no time crunch or pressure.  By sacrificing the earlier time, I actually end up with a better chance for recharge time than I was getting before.  And, as the days go by, I'm modifying things further so that pajamas and tooth brushing happens right after dinner, to further facilitate a quick transition to bedtime mode when the time arrives.

Now, I know this is probably a no-brainer to those of you who already think to have set times for these sorts of things.  And you're probably also wondering how dinnertime might apply to the rest of one's life.  Here's the thing:  I realized I have a very opportunistic attitude towards a lot of things: playing with my daughter, enjoying a recharge moment, dinner, bath time, bedtime, and especially, prayer.  Because I don't approach any of these things with intentionality, they happen more sporadically and irregularly than they ought.  I'm not saying that everything has to happen on a set schedule, but that I'm realizing there is a real value to planning a time and sticking to it.  It's sort of like how church was for me, growing up.  Going to church on Sunday was a non-negotiable item of the week.  We didn't wake up on Sunday morning and try to decide, spur-of-the-moment-style, whether we felt like going this week or not.  It was what we did, and we worked other things around it.  We still operate on the same principle, although being Catholic, and living in an area with at least 15 parishes within 15-20 minutes driving distance means that sometimes we can plan Mass time around other things (like nap time).  But we're very intentional in that it happens every week.

Thus, I'm wondering if, by applying this principle to other things, like prayer, I might not be able to find the time that I didn't think I had.  I'm starting small - with a big fridge calendar, setting times for the basics (mealtime, bedtime, recharge time, and soon, prayer time).  We'll see where it goes from there.  I know being flexible and opportunistic has some great advantages as well: when you have a small baby, life has to be very flexible, and everyone benefits from really going with the flow of what baby needs at any given moment.  Even with a toddler, it's still important to be able to be flexible, and to grab learning and play opportunities whenever they pop up.  But I'm beginning to see that it's also really important to cultivate intentionality, especially in those areas of life, like relationships (with God, my husband, my child, with family and friends) where things just won't happen if they aren't intentional.

Here's to living life intentionally in 2011!

Photo credit to Martin Pettitt.

'Twas the night before Christmas...

.... and exhausted parents everywhere were collapsing into beds :)

(yes, I have nothing else to say other than that.  I'm totally in awe of anyone who was able to find time to blog in the last week!  Too many other things took precedence here - like baking, cleaning, baking, last minute shopping, baking...)

(Can you tell I baked *all* day today?)

(Yes, we also did important things, like getting to Confession last night.  In fact, that's probably the most important thing we did this Advent, other than going to Christmas Vigil Mass tonight).

Anyway, from my family to yours - have a holy and blessed Christmas!  See you in 2011!

O-Antiphons Project: for the love of metaphor

The Jesse tree is more than halfway full, and another Advent tradition is about to start.

Thus, I have another "project" to share, but it first requires a confession and an explanation.

Confession: this year I'm finally realizing what a bare-bones, minimalist Catholic I've been in the years since my conversion.  One of the paradoxical drawbacks and yet benefits of being a convert is not being familiar with the thousands of yearly traditions that Catholic culture has to offer.  A drawback, because we often miss (through sheer obliviousness) rich practices that could further deepen our faith, but a benefit, too, because once we do stumble upon these practices, we have the benefit of seeing them with fresh eyes, unsullied by years of half-understood, semi-compulsory performance.

Explanation:  One of the things that made me fall so in love with the Church was her richness in metaphor. I've always tended to understand the world and everything in it best through that language; in my mind, seemingly unrelated objects and events take on an increased significance and become knowable through the way in which they reflect each other.  It's a symbiotic thing, going beyond mere simile ("this is like that") to the deeper, metaphorical, "in some way, this is that."  Not surprisingly (for the essence of metaphor is, at heart, a mystery) it's difficult to explain exactly what I mean.  Suffice it to say that, while I can be logical, and do love rational thought (a college friend once dubbed me the most rational girl he knew), logic always stays on the outside of me.  It may speak to my mind, but metaphor (and what is beyond metaphor is what speaks to my soul.  Hence, it wasn't the rational arguments that brought me into the Church (although I knew them, and they paved the way), but the presence of Jesus in the Eucharist.  Not a knowledge of Him; simply Him.

I find such metaphorical significances in my daily life, as well.  It's why breastfeeding is so much more than just feeding for me: it echoes (in an admittedly poor and very simplistic way) the Eucharist, giving my flesh to my child (I'm not saying that it always, or even mostly or often, feels that way; metaphors and sacraments don't have to evoke emotion to be).  And I find that the more that I honor and recognize the language wherein God speaks most clearly to my soul, the better my faith life grows.

This winding preamble is my way of explaining why I became so excited to learn about the O-Antiphons this year.  As I said before, I've been a bare-bones Catholic; I've participated in the essence of Catholicism, the Sacraments, etc.  But I've intentionally or unintentionally skipped most of the optional devotions.  Some don't speak to me (like the Infant of Prague), but there are more that I just don't know much about, or haven't had explained to me in such a way that hasn't felt vaguely superstitious (here my suspicious Protestant upbringing betrays itself).

Back to the Antiphons.  My favorite Advent hymn, really one of my favorite hymns period, is O Come O Come Emmanuel.  The haunting melody is part of it, but mostly I love the recitation of the names and prophecies of Jesus: these metaphors that somehow bespeak who he really is resonate very strongly for me.  Come to find out that there are these O-Antiphons along much the same lines (indeed, the hymn was drawn from them?), which pull from Isaiah (I love Isaiah!  Scripture!  Metaphor!), & I'm hooked.  Even better, they seem to offer a way to stay focused during that last hectic week of Advent, when it is so easy to get distracted.  Plus, as a bonus, they're short.  I have an 18 month old; I need spiritual activities that I can "do on the run," as it were.

So (if you've stayed with me through all that introduction!), here's my project: something to keep these Antiphons around in my life for years to come.  I'd intended to just print them out and post them on the fridge (and do so again and again in future years).  But then an idea appeared in my mailbox.  Remember in my Jesse tree post, how I said that you can't decoupage ink-jet printed paper, but magazine pictures work great?  Imagine my joy, then, when I flipped open our monthly issue of Vermont Catholic (our diocese's magazine) & found the O-Antiphons inside!  And not just printed in a decoupage-friendly fashion (in lovely italics; like Emily of New Moon, I love italics), but with accompanying art: beautiful, stylized stained-glass "windows", depicting a theme appropriate to each antiphon.

One rough wooden plaque from Michael's, a couple of industrial-strength magnets, some decoupage glue and several coats later, I present:

The O-Antiphons, ready to post on our fridge on Friday, and to become part of our yearly tradition.  Metaphors, here I come!

In like manner, I'm looking at other traditions I've previously missed.  Like the New Year's marking of the doorway with blessed chalk, and Candlemass in February, where all the candles for the year are blessed.  I'm finally realizing (with my soul, rather than my intellect) that these aren't superstitions, but metaphor, sacramentals: ways that God makes His grace & presence tangible in our lives, and not to our souls only, but to our bodies as well.  After all, isn't that what the Incarnation, which we'll celebrate next week, is all about: Christ being born into our world as a man, and thus hallowing and redeeming our humanity (spirit and flesh) through His blood shed upon the Cross!

The O-Antiphons, to be prayed Dec. 17th - 23rd, can be found here.  Have a blessed fourth week of Advent!

Hat and Gloves for faraway cousin

One other project that I can share about pre-Christmas, since a) she already knows about it, and b) being in China, she can't read my blog anyway (that whole non-freedom of the press thing, not a lack of Internet access).  The other day I had an email from my cousin, who is spending a year in China.  She's in a pretty remote village, in a house without indoor heat (although they do have a space heater, unlike many others in the village), so when I somewhat jokingly offered to mail her some coffee for Christmas, she quite seriously replied back that what she could use most would be a wool hat and some fingerless gloves.  She's doing music therapy there, so she needs her fingers free for flute/guitar/etc, but these would keep her hands warm at the same time.

Since I just so happened to have some extra yarn on hand, I did a quick Ravelry search (if you're a knitter or crocheter and aren't familiar with Ravelry, you must look into it, and sign up!  It is the best for finding great patterns for free or low cost), and found the perfect pattern for what I was looking for.  It's called "Treads" and can be found at the blog RainDrops.

On size five needles, and with worsted weight (Bartlett's Classic Merino, I believe, in a heathery cream/taupe) yarn, this was a really quick and surprisingly easy knit.  I've done toed socks before, so I was familiar with how to make fingers, but I did get to learn how to do a horizontal braid (easy and very cool).

Here's the project on needles (you could do it on a small circular needle, but I hate circulars.  Give me DPs any day):

Completed fingerless glove:

I like that there is an extra layer of warmth at the wrist and across the knuckles (and it doesn't look as bulky in person); it's nice for those of us with joints that don't like the cold.  I also like the ample wrist length, making it easy to leave it up for extra warmth, or roll it instead.

Here's my helper testing the fit (a bit big on her, but should be perfect for my cousin, I hope):

I also had a hat that I'd made and intended for my brother-in-law, but that I was concerned might be a bit too small.  Since I'd made it in the matching yarn to the gloves, I decided to throw that in as well.  I used The Boyfriend Hat pattern from the blog Stephanie Likes to Knit.  Again, this was a quick and easy knit - a simple knit three, purl two rib, with some neat decreases that maintain the ribs all the way to the top of the hat.  The sizing problem was my own fault; I misread the needle size and knit in a size 5 instead of the suggested 8.  It's very stretchy, so the width would be no problem on most people's heads even with the size 5 but it was just the right length for me, so maybe not quite right on an adult male head.

Having some soft, plush polar fleece in the back of my closet that I'd intended to make pocket diapers with (remember the cloth diaper making fiasco from earlier this year?), I decided to take a stab at making a headband liner inside the hat for a little extra warmth and the extra snugness that it would provide (this is my insurance against the hat being a little too short).  It actually came out pretty well, for my first try at such a thing: I don't usually sew with stretchy fabrics, so I was pleased to find that the zigzag stitch allowed ample stretch, and it all went in just fine:

(The inside of the hat)

(And the outside)

You can see the stitching a little bit, which I guess is unavoidable since it doesn't have a rolled brim.  But I don't think it detracts, overall.  Plus, fleece lined wool: what's going to keep her warmer than that?

The finished gift, ready to be shipped to the other side of the world:

And me enjoying the warmth... I mean, wearing just for photographic documentation purposes:

More project stories to come in a few weeks, along with hopefully other sorts of posts!

Jesse Tree Project

Of the several crafty projects I've been working on or have completed lately, here is one that I can actually share (don't worry, I'm taking pictures of the rest for post-Christmas blogging).  Thus, if anyone ever wonders why I never seem to post anymore, here's a snippet of what I've been busy with (I'll also share one other slightly less involved project tomorrow.)

Making a Jesse Tree:

Several blogs I visit regularly, along with Faith and Family, posted articles about Jesse trees at the beginning of Advent, and this year I finally resolved to incorporate the practice into our budding family traditions.  LW isn't old enough to appreciate or understand yet, but I thought the scriptural aspect (tracing the genealogy and prophecies leading to Jesus) would be fun and spiritually good for Jim and I, and that it would be good to establish the tradition now when I'm not too busy, so that it's in place when LW does begin to understand. Plus, I'm convinced she knows a lot more than we think she does!

However, I wasn't sure exactly how to make this happen, with time and financial resources currently very limited.  I didn't want to spend the money on a Jesse tree kit, and I wanted something substantial enough to last for at least a few years.  Fortunately, over the Thanksgiving holiday I stumbled on a copy of The Catholic Home: Celebrations and Traditions for Holidays, Feast Days, and Every Day at my parents' house.  Along with a ton of other great info for the rest of the year, it had just what I needed for this project: a list of the symbols, along with accompanying Scripture verses to read each day.

I toyed with the idea of decoupaging pictures onto wooden disks, but then remembered that the decoupage glue makes ink jet printed images run, and I knew it would be way too much work to track down all the symbols I needed in magazines (not that we have magazines kicking around the house anyway).  Fimo or Sculpey would work, but I wanted something I didn't have to go to the store for, as I've pretty well exhausted LW's limited patience with the craft store already this holiday season.  Then I remembered the salt dough ornaments my mom helped us make as kids.  A quick Google search located one of the thousands of essentially identical salt dough recipes on the Internet (two parts flour to one part each of salt and water), and pretty soon I was kneading and shaping the little symbols from the book.

Aside from a few interpretation questions ("how the heck do I make a camel/burning bush/river?"), all went smoothly, and I had enough dough leftover to make a few ornaments for LW to decorate for gifts, along with one nice big hand print for her to have as her own ornament.  Here everything is baking in the oven:

Impatient helper peaking at the ornaments (yes, she is pajamas; yes, it is the middle of the day.  Please don't judge me):

Here are some of the baked items, awaiting painting:

 
Snake/apple (Adam and Eve) and oil lamp (Samuel):
 
 



Other items painted and hanging to dry (herein are my interpretations of "river" and "burning bush": 

 



 

Once I completed all the ornaments, I used clear spray paint to "seal" them (hopefully this will work.  I sort of grabbed the wrong stuff at the store.  Husband said, upon seeing it, "what are you going to use the Rustoleum for?")  Regardless, they are shiny and relatively "sealed", and if I have to make more ornaments next year, no big deal, since this was a lot of fun!

 

The last dilemma to solve was what to hang them on.  The craft stores didn't seem to have anything that would really work, but on a last minute inspiration, I tried the dollar store.  Voila!  A little mini tree, covered in glued on "presents and bows", for the perfect price of $1.  The tacky decorations ripped off easily (I left the top one because it was actually kind of pretty), leaving a tree of the perfect size and shape, and with the perfect amount of good strong branches to hang the ornaments on.

 

The end result: the first few days of sealed, finished ornaments, hanging on the tree on our bookshelf (by the shepherd and animals from our newly purchased nativity set, who are waiting for the rest of the company to join them later in the month):

 

 

 

A couple of closeups of ornaments (yes, that is a camel in the second photo):

 

 

 Finally, the rest of the ornaments, layered for easy access in the following days and weeks:



The whole project cost less than $10, and took a sum total of a couple of hours (over a couple of days, due to the drying time for paint and Rustoleum) to complete.  We've been doing Jesse tree readings every night (gratuitous shot of husband and baby, who again, is in her PJ's, but this time it is bedtime so I don't feel as guilty):

 

The whole process, especially the symbology tied to each person in the genealogy and the accompanying Scripture, is definitely a nice addition to our Advent.  Definitely a worthwhile tradition to consider for your own family!

Small Successes (First week of December edition!)

I'm telling myself that any post is better than no post, and just jumping in for a quick update, small successes style.  Many posts are rattling around in my mind just waiting for the time and opportunity to get out, and if I can just find a few seconds, I'll share more about my Jesse tree project (with pictures, I hope!).  But for now, just a few successes from the week:

1)  I don't think I've shared about this one before, but if I have, forgive me; it's late and my brain is very fried these days.  I recently (OK, so it doesn't really count as totally a this week success, but it's on my mind since I did it for the second time ever tonight in the course of dinner preparation) learned how to de-bone and de-skin split chicken breasts!  Since we generally buy the expensive hormone free "natural" chicken at a whopping $5.69/lb, anything that drops my meat into the ~$3/lb category is most welcome.  And it's so easy!  I don't know why I was so afraid to try.  Bonus goes to my Mom who reminded me that I can save the bones/skin etc in a bag in the freezer, and let them accumulate until I have enough to try making chicken soup again.

2)  The aforementioned Jesse tree project: completed, and all for under $10.  I even scored the perfect mini artificial Christmas tree to hang the ornaments on, at the perfect price: $1, at the dollar store.  Once I ripped off the chintzy glued on "presents and bows", what was underneath became a lot more respectable looking.  We started doing readings tonight, and only had one day to make up.

3)  I finally talked myself into spending money on a Nativity set, in celebration of our third married Christmas.  For the past two years, I've looked longingly at them, missed the one I grew up with, missed having one in the house, but have passed them up with a "we can't afford it..." and "maybe next year."  This year, having found one for a reasonable price that was pretty and had the main two features I was looking for (removable baby Jesus, and not-porcelain so less breakable), I finally reasoned that it would be better to spend money on something that draws our minds towards the reason for the season, rather than anything else I might fritter it away on.

And a bonus 4th small success, which isn't really a success (hence I'm allowing myself to go past three) but much more of a small blessing:  I happened to catch my cousin on Skype this morning.  No biggie, you might think, but she's spending a year in China at the moment.  Think it's difficult to find time to get together with a friend for coffee?  Try juggling an eleven hour time difference, and vastly different life circumstances!  She's one of my very best friends in the world, much more like a super close sister than a cousin, and I miss her dreadfully; I've been feeling down and lonely lately, so it was an especially lovely surprise and great way to start the day.  Small blessings = small gifts of love from our Father who knows just what we need at any given moment!

Anyway.  Lord willing, I'll write again soon.  You are all in my thoughts and prayers, and I have many things I'd love to be writing about, but I've realized that I have to keep keeping my primary vocation first and foremost; if that means putting down the computer before I ever get the chance to write (time and again) for my daughter's more pressing needs, than so be it.  I reminded myself tonight, as I thought this over (multitasking, while cooking dinner) that if God wants me to write, then He'll make the time for it.  If He isn't making the time for it at the moment, then it must mean He wants me to focus on my other duties, and let those be enough for me.  So that's the state of things!  In the meantime, all you who do stop by, please say hi!  Comments make my day, as do all of your own posts.  I may not have time to write, but I do mostly still have opportunities to read (probably because I can do the latter much more quickly than the former).  So, have a blessed and holy Advent, all.  Keep writing and praying!

Small Successes!

 

Small, and not so small accomplishments this week:

1)  Today I returned our bathroom sink to a state of full functionality.  It has been draining slower and slower for months, and I finally found the motivation to address the issue.  In the process, I learned a little bit about plumbing, since I found I needed to take off the... (I don't know the real name of it, so I didn't really learn that much) u-shaped section of pipe and clean it out.  The only fitting word (blog appropriate, anyway) for the nastiness inside is what my daughter is currently saying about everything: guck.  Anyway, task accomplished, drain finally actually drains, and I shouldn't have to deal with that kind of guck again anytime soon.  I hope.

2)  We're on track to accomplish my goal of having all the Christmas shopping (or at least everything except for presents for each-other) done by December 1st.  Before you think that I'm either super type-A, or jumping the gun on the season, you have to understand my motivation.  I live in the Northeast (and in one of the snowier parts).  The months of October and November have a fair chance of being relatively snow free; December, on the other hand, does not.  Plus, I hate Christmas shopping.  I like buying gifts for people, but I can't stand trudging around in slush to a multitude of over-packed stores manned by overworked employees.  I hate fighting to find a parking spot, and then spending forever trying to get back out of the mall.  So, once I had an additional reason to try and avoid all of the above (the added complication of dragging a very small third person to stores, which she hates, in a car, which she hates), I finally made a resolution to just get it done earlier.  By taking my time in October and November, I'm able to make December a lot more pleasant and stress free.  And this year, it gave me time to make a substantial percentage of the gifts (which is part of the reason it has been awfully quiet on the blog.  I have lots to share, after the holidays, when I can post pictures of various projects!)

3)  In light of having gone nearly a month without any real sort of post, my third small success of the week is simply having found the time to post my small successes :)  'nough said.

Christ the King Sunday is this weekend!  Here's to the end of the liturgical year; may you all have a blessed beginning of Advent :)